Tips To Survive The Holidays Without Drinking

The short version. Before each event, decide when you'll leave, how you'll get home and what you'll say when someone offers you a drink. Keep a drink you like in your hand. Have one person you can text. Step outside when an urge hits. Afterward, take two minutes to note what helped, so the next party is easier. And leave some nights in the season with nothing planned at all.

It's the 23rd of December. You've just walked into your aunt's house with a tray of cookies, and before your coat is off, someone is pressing a glass of something warm and spiced into your hand. "It's the holidays!"

Everyone is happy to see you. The kitchen is loud. Your cousin is already two drinks in and telling the story he tells every year. And you're standing there holding a drink you didn't ask for, trying to work out what to do with it.

If you've been through a holiday season like this before and it didn't go the way you hoped, you’re not alone. This time of year stacks a lot of hard moments together. Parties, family, time off work, a break from your normal routine and a drink offered at nearly every stop.

The good news is that most of those moments are predictable. You know roughly who will be there, when the drinks come out and which conversations wear you down. That means you can plan for them. This guide walks through what to do before the event, during it and after you get home.

Why the holidays can feel harder

You're not imagining it. In a 2023 American Psychological Association poll, 89% of US adults said something about the holidays causes them stress. Money, gifts and missing loved ones topped the list.

Add a calendar full of events where alcohol is part of the plan, and it's easy to see why so many people find this the toughest stretch of their year when it comes to sobriety. Your usual routine disappears, the people around you are celebrating, and the old habit has more chances than usual to slip back in. Just because it feels harder doesn’t mean it will be impossible. This guide gives you some actionable tips and tricks to make it through the holidays with your sobriety intact. On your terms. 

Before the event: plan the night in advance

Most of the work happens before you walk in the door. Ten minutes of planning in the afternoon makes the evening feel a lot more manageable.

Know the details

Find out where the event is, who will be there and roughly how long it will run. A two-hour office lunch is a different challenge from an all-night party at a friend's place. Knowing what you're walking into helps you decide how much support you'll need.

Decide when you'll leave

Parties tend to change after a few hours. The early part is usually about food and catching up. Later, the drinking picks up, conversations get looser and it can be harder to be the one holding a soda.

Pick your leaving time before you arrive. "I'll stay through dinner and head out by 9." Having an end point makes the whole evening easier to manage.

Sort out your way home

Drive yourself if you can, or have a rideshare app ready. Being able to leave on your own schedule takes a lot of pressure off. If you're going with a partner or friend, agree in advance that either of you can call it a night.

Make an if-then plan

This sounds almost too simple, but it has real research behind it. People who make specific "if this happens, then I'll do that" plans are noticeably more likely to follow through on their goals, according to a review of 94 studies.

So before you go, picture the moments you know are coming and decide what you'll do in each one.

• "If my uncle offers me a beer, I'll say 'I'm good, thanks' and go get a sparkling water."

• "If someone asks why I'm not drinking, I'll say I'm taking a break and change the subject."

• "If I feel the pull after dinner, I'll step outside and text Sam."

Then picture yourself at the end of the night, heading home clear-headed and glad you went. It's a small thing, but walking in with a picture of how you want the night to go makes it easier to get there.

Line up your person

Choose one person you can text if things get hard. Tell them a week or two before the season starts, and let them know which events you're nervous about. Most good friends and family members will be glad you asked.

If you're not ready to tell someone you know, the community in I Am Sober is full of people getting through the same season. You can post under a username, share as much or as little as you like, and get encouragement and advice from people who understand.

Start the day with your pledge

On the morning of a big event, open I Am Sober and make your pledge to stay alcohol-free today. Read the reasons you wrote down. If you'd like, add a note about the event and your plan for it, so it's the first thing on your mind instead of the last.

During the event: handling offers and urges

Keep a drink in your hand

Holding a glass is the easiest way to cut down on offers. Most hosts will stop asking once you have something to sip. Make it something you actually like. A soda with lime, sparkling cider, a mocktail or a favorite non-alcoholic drink you bring along. Bringing your own also means you're never stuck with plain water while everyone else has something festive.

Have your answer ready

When someone offers you a drink, a short, friendly answer works best. You don't owe anyone a long explanation.

• "I'm good with this, thanks."

• "I'm taking a break this year."

• "I'm driving tonight."

• "Not tonight, but I'd love one of those cookies."

Most people won't ask twice. If someone keeps pushing, you can excuse yourself and go find someone else to talk to.

When an urge hits

Say it's 8:30, the room is loud and everyone around you is a few drinks in. The pull is suddenly a lot stronger than it was an hour ago.

• Step outside or into a quiet room. A few minutes of fresh air changes more than you'd think.

• Text your person. Even a quick "this is hard right now" helps.

• Log the urge in I Am Sober. Rate how strong it is and tag what set it off, like stress or a social situation. Naming it gives you a moment to choose what happens next.

• Read your reason. The one you wrote down when you were thinking clearly.

If you have Sober Plus, the coping exercises in I Am Sober walk you through getting past an urge step by step, right there on your phone.

Put yourself first

If a situation starts to feel wrong, you're allowed to leave. Early, quietly, with a quick goodbye or none at all. It can feel awkward in the moment. By the next morning, you'll be glad you trusted yourself.

After the event: look back and look ahead

You're home. Maybe the night went exactly as planned. Maybe it was harder than you expected. Either way, take two minutes before bed.

Review the night

Open your daily review in I Am Sober (or jot this down in a journal). How hard did today feel? What was your mood? What helped? Did the if-then plan work? Which moment caught you off guard?

Write a note for next time. "Leave before the second round of desserts. That's when the drinking picks up." By the end of the season, you'll have a record of what works for you at holiday events, written in your own words.

Let yourself feel proud

Getting through a holiday party alcohol-free is a real accomplishment. Look at your counter, see the days you've built and give yourself credit. If a milestone lands during the holidays, celebrate it.

If you drank

It happens, especially this time of year. Write down what happened and how you were feeling beforehand, pick one thing to do differently next time and make a commitment to yourself to start again now instead of after the season. 

In I Am Sober, your past streaks and notes stay in your history, so the days you already built still count.

Pace yourself through the season

Leave some nights empty

You don't have to say yes to every invitation. Block out a few nights with nothing planned. A movie, a book, an early bedtime. Rested evenings make the busier ones much easier to handle.

Focus on the people

The holidays are often the one time of year you see certain friends and relatives. Lean into that. Ask your grandmother about her first apartment. Get the full story behind your friend's new job.

Sober conversations tend to be the ones you actually remember. When the season is over, you'll have real memories of the people you spent it with.

If the holidays are hitting harder than expected

It’s December 27th. The parties are over, the house is quiet, and instead of relief, you feel flat. Maybe you’re missing someone who used to be at the table. Maybe you’re just tired in a way a nap won’t fix.

A lot of people land here. In the same APA poll, 38% of adults said missing family or loved ones was part of what made the holidays stressful. And when your mood dips, the old habit tends to show up offering to help. Looking after your head and your body during this stretch makes that offer a lot easier to turn down.

Write it down

When everything feels like a lot, getting it out of your head and onto a page helps more than you’d expect. In a review of 31 studies, people who wrote regularly about their thoughts and feelings had lower stress, anxiety and low mood weeks later. 

You don’t need a fancy journal. Spend ten minutes, a few days in a row, on whatever is weighing on you. Who you miss. What you’re dreading about January. What went better this season than you thought it would.

The daily review in I Am Sober gives you a place to start each night, and your notes stay private to you. With Sober Plus, the guided journaling in the workbook gives you prompts for the nights when a blank page feels like too much.

Move your body, even a little

A walk around the block counts. According to the scientific report behind the US physical activity guidelines, a single session of moderate activity can ease anxiety symptoms that same day and help you sleep better that night.

The day after a big family dinner, before the afternoon slump sets in, put on your shoes and get outside for twenty minutes. Bring someone along if you can. It’s also a good excuse to step away from a full house for a while.

Eat, sleep and keep some routine

Holiday schedules fall apart fast. Late nights, skipped meals and a fridge full of leftovers and cookies. Being hungry or worn out makes everything feel harder, cravings included.

Keep a few anchors in place: regular meals, a wake time close to your usual one and your morning pledge. Small, familiar routines give your days some shape when the calendar doesn’t.

Reach out before it builds up

If you notice yourself pulling away from people, that’s usually the time to reach toward them. Text your person. Post in the I Am Sober community, where plenty of people are having the same quiet, strange week between the holidays. You can ask for company on an ordinary bad day.

If it starts to feel like more than a rough patch, talk to your doctor or call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. It’s free, confidential and open around the clock. If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988.

Looking ahead to January

A lot of people use the holidays as a run-up to a fresh start in the new year. If that's you, our guide to Dry January covers how to prepare, what the first week looks like and how to keep going.

Whatever comes next, I Am Sober can give the season some structure: a pledge before each event, a review after, and a counter that shows every alcohol-free day you add.

Health note: If you drink heavily or every day, talk to a doctor before you stop. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, and a doctor can help you do it safely. If you have severe symptoms like confusion, hallucinations or seizures, get emergency help right away.

If you're finding the season hard to get through, you can call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. It's free, confidential and open all day, every day. If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988.

Sources:

• American Psychological Association. Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans, November 2023. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress

• Gollwitzer PM, Sheeran P. Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 2006. Summary via the National Cancer Institute: https://cancercontrol.cancer.gov/brp/research/constructs/goal_intent_attain.pdf

• MedlinePlus. Deciding to quit drinking alcohol. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000857.htm

• SAMHSA National Helpline. https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline